We are taking our last steps in the name of, 'The Essence.' 
On Thursday we picked her up from the printer. On Friday we shared her with our family. 

It was here in yesterdays sharing that the joy of the start came back to meet us. We had cake and champaigne on the ready that lay untouched as the room became quieter and quieter with each copy handed out. 

Within the room were several of our contributors and I was again reminded of the richness that lives here. 
In the evening we handed over a copy to one of our alumni contributors and as I watched her turn to her page, and read her words in print, I remembered one of our original intentions; To give back to this network and to the individuals that make it up. And still, the gift that has been given to me from my time here is far greater that I could ever return. I've been given the opportunity to glimpse my capacities, and now I can't look back. 

The days are slipping through my fingers like sand, and I'm trying to hang on to each grain, each moment. We say our first goodbye to one of our 20 and this brings what was just a feeling in the air, down to the ground at our feet. The end is near. 

What was just months, and then weeks has now become days and I'm lost somewhere in between 'ready' and 'too soon'. There is a part of me that still doesn't fully comprehend that the beginning and the middle have been completed and all that is left is the end. All that is left is the end. But what is the end? 
We have an over said quote here, that says it so perfectly that you one can't help but join the pack and repeat it. 
"YIP is for the first year of the rest of your life." 
It could not be said any more concisely that this. What has begun here for me is just the beginning. Just the beginning. And although yesterday still tastes so sweet I know that the road to tomorrow must be walked, and that hands must be released and goodbyes spoken into eyes. I'm trying to be in today with one foot in June and the other in July and the struggle that is 'this moment' is ever present every day.

"As part of the Core Curriculum, participants of YIP are given the opportunity and encouragement to work on a project called the Personal Initiative. The project is worked on throughout the year and comes to fruition with a presentation and written report at the end of the program. One of the intentions is to support YIP participants while they work with deepening questions and themes that challenge and inspire them." - Linda Kleinhenz 

A week before the outdoor experience our Personal Initiative (P.I) presentations were held. Through the second semester this theme of the Personal Initiative was personally very difficult for me. Throughout the year we have had quite a few large projects that have taken much energy and time. I started out the year with a clear idea of what I wanted to do for my P.I, but as the year wore on I realized that between everything else I would have to set it down in order to finish other projects. This was a painful realization and process which left me feeling incredibly resentful towards the whole of the P.I. 
 Regardless, this week of presentations was in the end very important to me. Never before have I exhausted myself to such a degree from crying. This week was an opportunity to see each and every single one of my dear friends share the whole of their YIP experience and for some a project they had been working on throughout the year.

 Before Sweden, I knew that I was seeking experiences with other human beings that I couldn't quite name yet. This is what these five days were about for me. Giving presence and attention to to who we each were and who we each have become. Through these 10 months I have been bearing witness to the unfolding of what was once perhaps fear, pain, shyness and doubt into something that speaks of an ownership. An acceptance of not only who we are, but of also who we are becoming. This week was about standing on our cliff edges and staring out past the horizons into the glaring brilliance of our futures. 

I have faith in each and every one of us. 

Above- Blood paintings of the heart and the reproductive system. 

Below- Sophie's diagram that draws the parallels between the woman's cycle and the seasons.

Moments of Bravery. 

 A reoccurring theme for our year was the senses. While exploring we would often do so without our eyes as a distraction. Sometimes blindfolded we would eat, walk, dance, the list goes on. Here Marion dances for us while blindfolded. Watching her was a sensory experience in itself. 

Kalani brought us through his year from start to end by showing us his application video. 
Needless to say, there has been change. 

Felix, our friendly wizard spent much of his year working on his theories. It was always very mysterious. He would often skips weeks of courses in lieu of giving attention to what I believe is his life work. This was an incredible moment, as we finally got to here a bit of what he had been up to. 

Below is a poem written by Olga, pictured here, that she read during her presentation. I don't know if I have ever seen Kalani choke up, but as she read this, I could hear him responding to what I can only call the the plight of what it means to be a young adult today. Olga was able to pin it down with her pen, and the truth that she speaks of, speaks to every crevice in my body. 
How to just 'be' today in this world? 
 


just to fall back on the grass
and be
just to fall down on my bed
and stay


to be just a being on this earth
my head objects


there's a life to be lived
a path to be followed
a skill to be learnt 
a friend to be seen
a change to be made
a corner to be cleaned
a standard to be reached


to see everything i could pursue
in this world
and to stay sane


to know all that could be done
in this world
and to choose not to


sometimes 


just to fall back on the grass
and be. 


- Olga Bloeman 

"It feels safe here ate home. Too safe." These are my first thoughts when I exist the car back at Ytterjarna. The nature is beautiful yet tamed here, and its almost surprising that when I walk I don't have move aside branches and brush. The floor feels unnaturally flat when I take my fist steps into our house. 

I'm so tired. I take a shower cringing in the heat and step out so clean. 
Everything is so clean.
All that is left that speaks of the woods is the water in my water bottle. Theres a lingering aftertaste of smoke from the boiling, mixed with bits of debris. 
But even that is gone now. Kalani dumps it out and refills it fresh, and when I drink I can actually taste that the water is now clear instead of muddy brown. 

The computer seems boring yet necessary, and I find myself trying to make sense of dates and times while sorting laundry. Our, 'Outdoor Experience' held true to the literal with an emphasis on, 'Experience.' 

We had a conversation two days ago on spirtuality. I cannot seem to separate my understanding of myself and spirituality from nature. Yet we are separate. How can this be?
In the woods I would spend hours in one spot watching the weather roll through overhead. There was never a need to move. And still, somehow in the evenings when I knew the boars were around, every sound had me turning, watching, wondering. 

Bjorne, our guide tells us over and over that there is nothing to fear. After all we are the scary creature, we are the one that destroys, and not the other way around. Bjorne is insistent but always kind. He seems to know everything there could be to know about just anything. One night he talks to us about chemistry. In the days he shows us how to create our own shelters, make fire, purify water, find food, the list goes on. 

Bjorne is a wonder. He even teaches us a few songs, and improvises into ours. he gives us weather forecasts shares stories and even breaks into small jigs every now and then. 

I was never bored, and somehow I can't think of what exactly I was doing. Sometimes I drank coffee for what could have been 5 min. or an hour. On sunny days I chased the sun through the trees, making beds in the moss and....

There were many precious conversations. 
Sometimes the overwhelm of the end and the beginning all mixed up in one would leave me empty. 

The End & The Beginning. 

Building the fireplace.

The first fire.

Forest bouquet. 

Irvine's first fish.

Dressed up with some herbs. 
A few wild, a few store bought.

Our water purification system. 
Layers of stone, sand, charcoal and dried reeds = drinking water. 

Sleeping places. 

Evening Rise. 

In one image, what this year has been all about. 
Heartfelt friendships and conversations. 

Mr. Lix 
The Wizard 

We went into full print today for 'The Essence'. The past weeks, but really more like month has been one giant push in order to meet our deadline. Tomorrow I get into a car, and then a canoe, and paddle away from this computer. Before I leave though I wanted to leave you with a smidge of what this whole journey has been about. As YIP is coming to a close, I find myself with a whole new set of questions. Instead of the usual, "what is YIP?" I find myself currently posed by, "what have you learned at YIP?" That answer in full is really to big to put down all at once, but here is a sample. 
Last Friday myself and Oona, who is the project initiator behind, IoY gave our final presentation on this project. At the end we brought our other two teammates up and we each answered these three questions. 

What does it mean for me:
To be in a leadership role?
To co-create with others?
Realize a dream into reality?

I remember that one dammed YIP flyer, that I'd written about before. I remember the words, 'social entrepreneurship'. It was the first time I had ever read these words, and I spent the following years and through my time here at YIP, trying to understand what they meant. For me this project and these questions, not only seem to be the start to some sort of understanding but also to the rest of this life journey for me. 
On Sunday, our last full work day (we started in the am and ended in the am), I found myself at Danika's door, a contributor and alumni. We were in the final hours and after days of non-stop work, I had lost the point. I asked, "does it matter, does it really matter?" It was here that she stopped me, handed me an article she had written last year while she was a Yippie, on this same thought, waited for me to finish reading it, and then handed me a piece of pie.
 
Here's the conclusion.
 I will never be able to measure what this body of work will mean in the greater world, just as attempting to sum up what I have learned here or how it will profit me is also nearly impossible. What I do know is that by being given the supportive space to dream, plan, act and ultimately create, I have done something from what was nothing. And this will forever carry me. These three questions will forever guide me, because I now know that I can do. We started on this project with no money, no skills in project management or editing, and really no clue. All we had was a desire to give back and a hope that if we continued to take one step forward we would eventually get there.
 Next Thursday, we pick up 700 copies. And if any one of these copies is picked up and read by an individual who is then moved into action, we have done our job. More than likely, I will not know this person, and they will not know me. This is just part of the beauty. 

So on the thought of "what have I learned", I can rest easy saying - "I've learned to walk". 

*If you want to know what was in Danika's article, you'll just have to purchase a copy. 
It was so good we had to publish it.*


below is a few snippets from March onwards of what this adventure looked like. 

The Month of March 
- The first time we printed out all of our content. At the time we couldn't believe how much we had. Looking back, I almost can't believe how little we had! Nonetheless, this was a proud day for our team. 

The Month of April 
- Oona and I with our IoY stand at YIP's annual Initiative Forum. We had a Preview copy with just a few articles printed out and an opportunity for pre-purchase. There were many beautiful moments, meeting some of the faces that had contributed content to our little publication, as well as others that had sent love and support our way through our online campaign. Thank you to each and everyone of you!

The Month of May 
- Much of the practical aspects of our work went into full swing. There were articles to be edited, people to contact, formatting to be done and much coffee to drink. Our lil team went into overdrive and we were determined to stick it out till the end!

The Month of June 
- "The preciousness of this moment is indescribable. Maira and Thijs developed and put together Impressions of YIP during the second year (4years ago). Now they are organisers of this program (YIP) in this moment thanking this years amazing crew of "Impressions of YIP-The Essence" for their tremendous and important work. On Monday it goes into press and I can't wait to hold a fresh copy in my hands. You guys inspire and rock!" 
- Nino Tadaros YIP Organizer and alumni


Truly an important moment for me. I couldn't help but burst into tears. 
I remember at the start of this whole adventure  holding the original IoY thinking, "how will it be possible to follow this?!" To receive such a sweet acknowledgment from these two really brought it home. We actually did it. We are capable. 

June 10, 2014
- Today at the printers going over the rough print. I spent weeks imagining this exact moment over and over. Even though the draft wasn't cut or stapled, to be able to see the actual size, and the colour of the printing without our usual faded, streaked prints was amazing. We oohed and aahhed over every page. 

Next Thursday we pick up our copies and begin sending them all over the world!

This collection of stories and images that we have compiled are fueled by questions that we all carry. We cannot pin these questions down to any one country, race or nationality. They are timeless and have no boundries. 
These stories are meant to move and be shared, given to those that are ready to try something new. 

Are you ready?


PS. Shipping is Free. Thats right :)