There could never be a way to know all the ways to do life.
This much I've figured.
I'm drinking my daily smoothie, when yesterday it was all about the eggs.
Life is composed of overlapping phases that lay the tracks for the twisting turns of this life.
I've picked up old and familiar patterns worn down by a once upon a time every day wear. I'm on the ground, at the desk, in my head and walking at a rapid pace across the snow covered forest floor. Everything is crisp, sharpened by the wind that washes through clouds filled with weather. I want to be practical, but in the evenings my head fills because on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, I'm at the desk.
I'm at the desk in the daytime pulling at a knot. A never ending string that slowly unwinds itself from my brain and extends into my fingertips that type and flip through pages. I'm taking breaths as I reach into the crevices of my memory and drawing out pieces that match the ones on my screen. I'm on espresso and when I take a break and let my eyes look out the window, the white pulsates and blinds me for an instant, calling me out for air.
And yet, somehow I've fallen back into the seemingly endless spaces of my body that I had almost been to scared to approach. It's my home these yawning places that use my breath as their sustenance and demand every day attention. Except that it's different this time. I'm laughing through it all, and I am counting all the moments in every day existance that lend themselves to cultivating my attention. I noticed for the first time today the tree that lives outside of my door, and it's underwings are painted red.
I've had to give myself permission to remember that I like to stay up past my bed time every night and that the dark makes me come alive, My brain works better here in the night when I can pull madness from the air and lie it on the ground at my feet. From above it is a map and I can see yesterday & today and tomorrow doesn't look to scary.
I'm up to the same old tricks. Songs on repeat and made up words that wipe slates clean.
Stop. Pause. Stop.
I struggle here sometimes.
How to share without revealing my skin.
This ones just for me.
As part of our curriculum here at YIP we, the participants go on an internship for a month to a country and organization of our choice. This is a chance for us to practice engaging in the world with what we have been learning here, at YIP.