The snow arrived finally two days after the last of my comrades departed. I think this was Ytterjarna's extra special welcome to me for the next five weeks. I am doing my internship here on this campus. I haven't left like everyone else and the world is absolutely quiet now.
I'm unwrapping myself, releasing question after question into the still night air and screaming with my fingers across pages. The answers echo off the heaters and burn my lips dry and I promise I will drink more water tomorrow but today there is uncertainty to shoulder and icy mountains to climb. In the late night I take 100 steps between my student house to the little farm house and the trees creak their usual goodnight as I pass. In the moonlight the snow allows me to believe in glittery perfection again, and I say "Thank You". I leave my jacket unzipped and choke on chilling air that beats it's way past the cashmere, past the layer behind that, into my chest, and then I'm inside again and the chill in the little house is thought to be warmth against the outside, for just a moment.
Kitty runs to the door and follows my every step kitchen, bathroom, bedroom. The house has a funny layout. I walk past the pen on the kitchen table that waits for my morning sit. It makes me feel settled. I've left another pen on the bedroom dresser, my night pen, the xs small, fine point scrawl. I make the bed and tuck in the sides of the comforter. I want it to look inviting. I light two candles and turn off all the lights. Kitty wants attention but so do the pages.
I'm in my very own movie complete with sheer curtains in soft colours and a mosquito net that ca- coons me in and makes me feel exotic. There's a window by my bed to look out of admire the blanket of snow, although I rarely do. Instead I admire the curtains as I've been searching for these exact ones for three years, and somehow the farmers in little Ytterjarna got it right. I set my alarm two hours earlier then I'll get up because I still have hope. I sharply blow out the candles so as not to splatter wax and lay in the night. Uncertainty lies in the cold where his body should be and whispers me to bed wth promises of joy and a net to catch my free falling body.
When I wake I'm alone which is foreign and familiar all at once. The light has turned up here in the north, and I can see Kitty's outline and the half moon in the sky. It is so beautiful.
As part of our curriculum here at YIP we, the participants go on an internship for a month to a country and organization of our choice. This is a chance for us to practice engaging in the world with what we have been learning here, at YIP.