It interesting to be apart of this modern day world that is wrapped up in the ever pressing chaos of now.
I have written this out countless times in my head, and yet every time I sit down, I forget that there is this telling. So present, but also apart of yesterday and the days before, so that it has also become forgotten.
So here goes.
Some near, others further. I think many would start this out with the word regretfully, but I do not feel that, so I will not say it. I think I will instead try, "I 'gratefully' am not one of the winners of the Big Blog Exchange". I am regretful in my tardiness of telling you all in this public manner, because I know many of you had lent your support in numerous ways, and for this I am ever appreciative. I want to tell you though about this other feeling of peace over not being picked to be one of these bloggers.
I embarked upon the BBE journey only some weeks after I had returned home. There was a feeling somehow of having to keep going, and I mean this in the way, that the past year had felt as though I was on constant fast forward. Suddenly I found myself grounded in my home which was healthy, but also shocking and strange. I have also for many years now nursed this odd idea that in order to be successful or to gain support for some of my dreams, I was supposed to have achieved something, or be invited to stand on some sort of platform that was publicy deemed worthy. Along with these two strange thoughts, I also had the dream of continuing my work here on my blog, because I enjoy what I do here.
I am so grateful that I signed up for the BBE because it allowed me to take a deeper look at what exactly I have been doing here, why I enjoy it, and what my possible next steps could be. Entering the contest grounded my work here in numerous ways and gave me the courage to let others know about this space as well as begin with a project that I had put on hold for too long. As I started this project, I arrived at some beautiful conclusions. For the first time I realized that I didn't need to go anywhere, that the opportunities for co-creation and deep connection that I desired were already here. A novel idea that put to rest many years of island fever and discontent. The second epiphany was a slow one that took place throughout the contest as I looked through the other contestants. I began to notice that most had a travel blog, and well this is just not that. At first it worried me, because it was different, but the night before the contest winners were announced I took a look through the years at what I have been doing here. It had been a long time since I had gone back to the beginning. I remembered my uncertainty in starting this site and how it felt a little like wading through a fog with no clear sight in any direction. Everything sensory and only following a dim light way down inside me that said just simply, "I like doing this." From that beginning through the chronicles of YIP to the start up Human Stories, and now the 'For SHAKA' campaign, I realized that I was already doing what I enjoyed doing. But instead of being invited or waiting for permission to stand on someone else's platform I had built my own.
Some may use the word silly, but I think I will instead go with ironic. It is 'ironic' that I entered a travel contest, only to find that the only place I really wanted to be was here at home. But it was also necessary. How can we always understand the full outcome of why we embark on anything? It is 'silly' though that I opened a door labeled 'The World' and when I walked through it I found myself in Maui.
And so here I sit on my couch, filled with wonder and love for my home and the faces that are apart of it. The journey continues towards the voice that emanates from my deepest core and even though it is still foggy at times, at least I know that I am at home.
Mahalo again to each and everyone of you that shared a little of your heart with me along this journey.
It is felt.
With Love, Harness Your Breath
- A few thoughts on the photos, because perhaps they come off as random. They are from a shoot I did with a friend, Jasmine. I didn't know why I was putting them up, but as I did, I started to reflect on the feeling I have when I photograph someone, and how happy I am that I finally have the courage to share this space with others. This sent off the train of thought about this blog in general, and then I began writing. It's all just once big piece of appreciation. -